| Tales from Upstate New York: Strippers, Cops, and Possible Psycho Killers |
[Aug. 5th, 2008|02:27 pm] |
So, not too long ago, I went to upstate New York for a family vacation. And . . . I can't recommend it. Seriously, its pretty horrible up there. I suppose if you enjoy teeming armies of horse flies or driving half an hour to get anywhere then it's pretty awesome, but otherwise, not so much.
However, the trip did have some moments of note.
First, one day, my dad and I drove (about forty minutes) to the liquor store. As we prepared to get out of the car, a man approached the window. He was older, probably late fifties / early sixties, bald, a bit disheveled. And he just stood there, looking at us. As I recalled that the Zodiac Killer was never caught, my dad rolled down the window.
"I saw on the license plate that you're from Pennsylvania," the man said. My dad replied that we were.
"I was in Pennsylvania a few years ago, and there was just one thing I didn't like," he said.
OH SHIT OH SHIT HE'S GOING TO SAY THE JEWS AND SHOOT US IN THE FACE!
"Oh," my dad said.
"Yeah, I didn't like on thing - leaving!" the man said. Nervous laughs from us. Then the man proceeded to talk to us about Pennsylvania for a few minutes, mostly asking us questions about the Amish. He then told us good-bye, and wandered off.
Ok, the next thing that happened then:
One of the few things not thirty minutes from the bug-infested backwood where we stayed was a rickety strip joint called the Ace of Clubs. One night, after much drinking had occurred (on vacation, I, and my family, except my dad-remember that part, its important later-live like alcoholics), the men decided to make a visit to this establishment. My non-drinking dad would drive us.
The Ace of Clubs was pretty nice, actually. From the outside, during the day, it looked like an abandoned trailer, but at night they lit up some Christmas lights strung up around the roof, and the parking lot was full, and man, it was THE PLACE to be. And inside was alright, a good sized bar rectangled around the little runway stage. There were only three strippers, but they were alright. One, a cute brunette with a sort of girl next door look, offered me a lapdance. Twice. But alas, I only had nine dollars on me, so I had to say no.
Anyway, we stayed at strip joint about an hour, then decided to head out. Driving back to the house, my dad noticed that a police car had followed us out of the strip joint parking lot. But so far it had done nothing. Then, we got to an awkward little fork in the road-my dad went straight on it, heading back towards our house. But alas, going straight took him off the main road, and the cop flashed his sirens, and we pulled over. We were quiet as the cop approached. He asked to see my dad's license and registration, and my dad asked why he had been pulled over. The cop replied it was for failing to use his turn signal.
As my dad got out the license and registration, the cop asked if he'd been drinking. "Not since I was 25," my dad said. The police officer, presumably smelling the alcohol emanating from the rest of us, was dubious, and asked my dad to follow his finger. However, Officer Geniuspants waved his finger back and forth, while he held a bright flashlight in his other hand, and moved that also. Naturally, my dad followed the light.
"Are you sure you haven't been drinking?" the cop said.
"Yes sir," my dad replied cooly.
"Sir, are you taking any drugs that might affect your vision?"
"Oh god yes," my dad said. "I've got the list right here." My dad then produced his medication list from his wallet-about a full page long, with about fifteen to twenty different medicines on it.
"You take all of these?" the cop said.
"I'm a diabetic, asthmatic heart-patient," my dad said.
The cop paused, staring at the list. "Um, have a safe drive home."
Cops, 0. Us, THE WIN.
I tell you, that alone pretty much justified the entire vacation. |
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| I've been cheating . . . |
[May. 29th, 2008|04:55 pm] |
On livejournal!
Some may have noticed I hardly ever post here any more. This may in fact be my first post since we got a new cat a year ago.
Anyway, for awhile, I wasn't writing anything anywhere, but I've started again, but alas, not here. I have instead created my own personal blog:
http://joshbarrerblindspots.blogspot.com/
Its mostly my musings on movies and music and the like, so if you're interested, check it out. I have ads on it (sell-out!), so I can theoretically make some money from clicks and whatnot.
Why the change? No reason really. I always felt weird posting stuff here that wasn't personal, and I started the new page for reviews and stuff like that. I've ended up writing some personal stuff, but still, I'm committed there now. Also, I'm a narcissist and don't want to share space with you suckers!
Am I gone from here for good? No. I'm still reading everybody's posts, for one thing. And someday I'll be back. Someday. But for now- check me out! |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 18th, 2007|03:35 pm] |
So, no I don't post here much these days, but there were some doin's a' transpirin' here at work today that I thought I'd share.
In addition bills, correspondence, and bat-shit crazy submissions (my friend / co-worker Jonathan's favorite: a hand-written children's book series called "My Girlfriend the Bunny")We occasionally get letters from our readers. I wouldn't call them fan letters, exactly. No, they're something else. Like one guy who wrote a letter in response to our Ray Charles biography that directed all of its sentiments to Ray, and was seemingly unaware that Ray was dead (despite his death being in our book.)
Today we got a letter from a fan of our Stephen King biography. It was addressed, naturally, to Stephen King himself. It was handwritten, on about half a page of notebook paper. It was fairly normal I suppose: the reader mentioned that he enjoyed / was inspired by the book, especially the part about how Stephen King became a famous author despite spending some time working at a gas station. Aside from the questionable addressing issue, it wouldn't have raised any eyebrows (though the reader mentioned being a college graduate, though our books are aimed at middle schoolers). That is of course, until you get to the end. At the bottom of the letter, it said this:
"P.S. - A lot of people say my pictures look like Halloween."
Bear in mind, there is no context or explanation for this at all. It's just there, a terrific bit of crazy to make the day more interesting. Needless to say, the letter has been stored away for safe keeping. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2007|03:53 pm] |
So we got a new cat. A girl, probably about two years old. She was a stray, and we adopted her from Pet Smart. She's a tortoiseshell, and pretty small. We've been calling her a "cuddleslut" because the cat is just constantly coming up and rubbing on us.
At first, she and Mars were not getting along, which had me unduly worried. I was especially distressed because Mars didn't even seem hostile or aggressive, he just let out these really sad meows whenever he saw her. I felt bad for my poor depressed cat. In the last day though, they seem to have really warmed up to each other. They now chase each other, alot, and when passing each other by will sometimes stop and touch noses. Enough to make my cold heart melt.
Oh yeah, her name is Eartha Kitt. I was personally leaning towards Madame Whiskerbottom, but this will probably be better. |
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| More adventures in editing: give zem airrrrr!!!! |
[May. 16th, 2007|10:14 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
So my company is doing a series of books about political figures, and in general, our plan is to get them out quickly, meaning there is little serious editorial work going in to them. As such, I didn't get a chance to edit our new book about Arnold Schwarzenegger (who according to what I've heard from a couple of articles / opinions, is actually a pretty good governor. Don't know for sure though). I was however going through it today, doing some basic housekeeping stuff with it when I came across this line:
On April 26, 1986, Arnold finally decided to terminate his bachelorhood by marrying Maria Shriver.
Seriously. Terminate his bachelorhood.
Bear in mind I'm a huge fan of a number of Arnold's 80's / early 90's movies (seriously, Total Recall and Terminator 1 and 2 are really good movies, and Commando is probably the greatest "ridiculous action movie" ever). But come on? Terminate his bachelorhood? I know our books are for middle school aged kids who are (generally speaking) dumb as poles, but lets have a little seriousness. |
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| shame! |
[May. 1st, 2007|01:25 pm] |
So, yeah, according to my self-imposed deadlines, I should be posting a excerpts from a nice, completed story here today. But alas, I cannot. Because I did not complete a story.
Though it will sound lame as most excuses and apologies do, I did try. Really. I started numerous stories, and tried reviving some old ones that I'd never been able to go anywhere. Nothing much worked out.
Basically, I'd sit down to write a story, and after getting a few paragraphs down, I'd more or less panic. Every possible element of the story that I thought I maybe should address would suddenly seem to be of paramount importance, and I would feel that there was no possible way I could ever address everything and make the story worth anything. And worst of all, my prose seemed lame and pedestrian. After spending a year editing the works of semi-literate drunkards and senile septuagenarian (I suspect thats what they are, seriously, who else would write a line like "boiled with surprises"), I was unable to simply write myself. To shorten my lame complaining, I had writers block.
But I kept at it, sort of. I mean, I got pretty frustrated with myself, and um, easily distracted (damn you DVR and PS2), but I finally have started on a story that is ok. Not a Josh classic, but enough to hold my interest and hopefully get through. And maybe with some time turn into something.
I'm certainly not sure I'm over writers block, but its getting better. I'm training my mind to focus just on the story at hand, and not worry about too much else. I'm also hoping that participating the in the black ink writing community (sup!) will help keep me going and working semi-regularly. So I will hold to my self-imposed deadlines of delivering a story a month, even if I crashed and burned here on my first time out.
After all, the beginning is the hardest part. Until the middle and end. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 16th, 2007|11:58 am] |
So Laura and I went to see TV on the Radio at Cat's Cradle last night. It was the first concert we've been to in quite awhile (the first since Dave Rawlings and Gillian Welch in February, and the Pitchfork festival last July before that, if I'm not mistaken).
Anyway, it was amazing.
The opening band, The Noisettes (who were seeing again when they open for Bloc Party in June) were terrific. They could be huge, or at least, indie huge.
TV on the Radio were amazing. Really. Original, energetic, ridiculously loud, sexy, everything you could want. Seeing them live at a smallish club like the Cat's Cradle makes you feel ok (at least temporarily) about never getting to see the Talking Heads or Joy Division or something (at first I thought The Pixies, but then I remembered that they reunited and I did get to see them, same with Mission of Burma, and god willing, hopefully the same with Wire).
So, yeah.
If you get a chance to see TV on the Radio live, you should definitely do it. And get there early enough to see The Noisettes too. |
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| I am publicly calling myself out. |
[Apr. 2nd, 2007|10:52 am] |
| [ | Tags | | | shame! | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
As I briefly mentioned in my last comprehensive entry (oh readers! Slide back from the edge of your seat!) I've been a bit personally frustrated with my lack of doing any creative work for myself in the last year or so. And as I've said before, though I like my job and like working in the publishing industry, I'm not one hundred percent sure I want to do it forever, and keeping up some of my own creative stuff at least creates a belief that I have other options (namely, supporting myself as a writer).
So, to that end, I am making a public declaration and promise that I will produce at least one new work every month. It may be good, it may be shit, but I'll at least be working on something that I've claimed for years and years has been my ambition. I'm somewhat nervous about the legal issues that could come from posting works online that I might someday like to seek publication for, so I won't post full stories anywhere, but I will post fragments at the beginning of each new month, and if anybody is inclined to read the whole product, let me know and I'll send it out promptly.
Basically, I am doing this to shame myself into getting back to work. Between myspace and livejournal, I am saying this to a pretty large number of people, and generally hoping that the notion of looking like a loser and a failure to all of you will be enough force me out of my inertia.
Also, I'm thinking one work a month is actually a fairly modest ambition, so if things go well, I might increase that quota. But we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
So, there you go. Lazy-working man Josh will hopefully give way to creative Josh.
So anybody have any story ideas? |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 19th, 2007|11:16 am] |
So I realized its been months since I posted anything. Why? No particular reason. But regardless, I'm back!
points of interest:
-Laura and I are going to Italy this summer! Woobah! We got our passports a couple of weeks ago, and things all look pretty set.
-Though there is much I like about not being in school and working full time (namely, having money), I seriously got jealous last week when everybody was talking about spring break. Deep frustration, there.
-Speaking of working by the way, I've been working full time for about six months I guess, and I'm ready to um... not be anymore. Surely the next forty years will zip right by! Actually, I'm giving a lot of thought to trying for graduate school. I probably will eventually, though whether its for a straight up masters in English, or the MFA in writing I've long dreamt of depends largely on whether or not I can muster the energy in my pretty limited free time to actually do some writing. Its tough, though. I spend pretty much all day at work on the computer, so I'm not in a rush to get back on it when I get home. I'm considering trying to wake up an hour earlier and force myself to work each morning. We'll see how that goes. Maybe my friends and associates (that means you, readers!) can shame me into this. I'll be mad and tired now, but maybe I'll thank you later. Maybe...
-All that said, I will probably continue at my job for another year, give or take a few months. I do like my job, and its certainly not too hard, the pay is good, and I think it'll be good for my general resume if I'm here for a respectable amount of time. This is not to say I won't have a claustrophobic (figuratively) freak out sometime soon, and quit, but to be honest, I probably won't (I'm responsible! damn it!).
-On a lighter note, I celebrated st. patrick's day in a stereotypically irish fashion, and for the first time in years, there are significant portions of the day that I have no memory of. Sincere apologies to any and all whom I may have offended.
Lots of albums have been released this year, and I've bought a lot (thanks job!) Here's an oversimplified breakdown!
really good: Menomena "Friend and Foe" Belle and Sebastian's "The Life Pursuit" (from last year I know, but I just got it)
Solid, if not great: The Shins "Wincing the Night Away" Arcade Fire "Neon Bible"
Disappointing, though not terrible: Bloc Party "A Weekend in the City"
Frickin' awful: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah "Some Loud Thunder"
Tomorrow I am getting Modest Mouse's and Ted Leo's new ones. As I've said before, cautiously optimistic.
Songs I like a lot right now (not from aforementioned albums) are "Surrender" by Cheap Trick (thanks Guitar Hero II!), "Heartbeats" by The Knife, "Young Folks" by Peter, Bjorn and John, "Whole Wide World" by Wreckless Eric, as featured prominently in the movie "Stranger than Fiction."
Also, we are going to see Ted Leo on March 30th, for like the ten-thousandth time (always good though), and TV on the Radio in April.
More updates coming soon... |
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| well...crap |
[Jan. 19th, 2007|09:52 am] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | AC/DC - "Hells Bells" | ] |
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Sixth Level of Hell - The City of Dis!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Take the Dante's Divine Comedy Inferno Test |
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| I'm still alive. |
[Dec. 11th, 2006|04:24 pm] |
So its been a while since I made a post. So here's some stuff.
-I'm liking the cold.
-The hallway in the building where I work has a horrible odor, and said odor has been around for several months now. I'm reasonably certain that something/someone is buried in the walls or beneath the floor. Also, I'm fairly certain that many of the offices in this building are just fronts. Like the supposed "barber shop" down the hall that has never had a single client. It is very possible these oddities are related...
-As an entertainment and pop culture nerd, I love December, because December means year end lists! I may or may not post my own at some point... after all I need some outlet for my OPINIONS. I will say for the moment, that TV on the Radio's "Wolf Like Me" is the best song of the year. If you're wondering why I say that... then you must not have heard it.(and bear in mind, I really hate general consensus statements, like "You HAVE to like this" or "undeniably the best," especially in regards to something as personal and subjective as music). A possible second- Neko Case's "Star Witness."
-As happy as I am to have a full time job (and therefore to have completed one of my goals for the year), I'm a little down that my time management skills are not so great- I'm not exactly working on any of my own writing or various other projects these days. Hopefully, I can get back into swing of writing for myself more often over Christmas, and maybe keep that going into the new year.
Thats all for now. Will try to update more often. |
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| home |
[Nov. 8th, 2006|07:07 pm] |
I'm back from the hospital... I'm okay, and with a sternly learned lesson about the dangers of aspirin. I'm generally ok, although exhausted. I had a pretty bad stomach ulcer, and some other distressed areas in my gut, from which I was internally bleeding a lot more than I realized. From that bleeding, I became severly anemic. My hemoglobin level had dropped to less than 5 (the average for my age / height is 13-14).
Thanks a lot to everybody that was concerned. Sincerely, it meant a lot.
Ok. Later |
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| Because I have an internet connection, but no desire to actually work... |
[Oct. 3rd, 2006|04:06 pm] |
Stuff in the fall I'm looking forward to:
Movies I'm looking forward to a lot:
The Prestige
Borat
Marie Antoinette (it probably won't be as good as the trailer, but still)
Casino Royale
Pan's Labyrinth
Movies I'm looking forward to with trepidation:
The Departed
The Fountain
Stranger Than Fiction
Children of Men (I have a man crush on Clive Owen)
Movies that make me ashamed of my generation:
Employee of the Month
Saw III
Music I'm psyched about:
Swan Lake- A collaboration between Dan Bejar (Destroyer, New Pornographers), Spencer Krug (Wolf Parade, Sunset Rubdown), and Carey Mercer (Frog Eyes, whom I've frankly never listened to).
Pavement- Wowee Zowee Reissue- My favorite Pavement album, re-released with lots of extra stuff.
There's probably other stuff I'm not thinking of right now. I also feel slightly bad about not keeping up with new releases in books (though I remember hearing that Martin Amis was supposed to have something coming out soon...).
Thanks for hanging out while I waste time. |
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| verbal fiascos! |
[Sep. 14th, 2006|04:38 pm] |
| [ | Tags | | | another work entry | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | TV On The Radio - "Whirlwind" (in my head anyway) | ] |
So, I'm editing this book about John Lennon for work.
And to be honest, its pretty damn awful. Here are some of the things the writer does:
-He throws in terrible one liners ("his problems weren't caused by his insight, they were caused by his eyesight" "the promoter was a former circus clown, but they weren't laughing about the situation" "he cried, tears not of pain, but of laughter"),
-bizarrely gets cliched phrases wrong ("their bubble shattered" "set the world's youth on their sonic ears" ),
- insists on never simply saying someone "said" something.Everyone is always proclaiming, drawling, laughing, braying, crying, caterwauling, etc.
-He frequently and inexplicably refers to women as "females," as in, "Lennon's fame attracted many females" and "he regretted his former unkindness towards females"
-Engages in ridiculous dramatics ("Blood spilled frequently when the waiters flashed knives not meant for buttering bread."
"Pang was left alone in her apartment like yesterday's copy of the New York times her famous boyfriend so loved to read.")
-Uses unnecessary alliteration ("tipsy tunesters")
-He is sometimes just insane ("As the Beatles juggernaut snowballed in their homeland, Epstein crossed the ocean to shake the musical bushes."
And really, this is just a fraction of the crapulence. All of the above, however, pale in comparison to this:
"The mouth organ became a frequent companion in his back pocket, which John whipped out and blew whenever he was in the mood."
Oy. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 7th, 2006|12:42 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  good | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | office sounds in reality, Neko Case in my head | ] |
So I'm working full time now. Its ok, though being in an office from 9 to 5 is pretty damn exhausting, as is the sort of brutal thought that its what I've got to do EVERY DAY. But the novelty hasn't worn off yet, so for now its ok. I'll probably be either much more excited or much more depressed when I recieve my first full time paycheck. We'll see...
The major problem right now is that my work load has not increased with my increased hours, so most of the day I don't have much to do. Though this sounds excellent in concept, in reality its kinda frustrating. Hopefully this will change with time and settling in though. |
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| Pitchfork Music Festival |
[Aug. 1st, 2006|08:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
This isn't a full post about Chicago (maybe I'll just leave that to Laura and Amanda) but I did want to post some stuff about the Pitchfork Music Festival.
( Enjoy! ) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 28th, 2006|02:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  excited | ] |
Chicago, Chicago, Chicago...! |
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| I pulled myself away from the Playstation and my cat long enough to make an update... |
[Jul. 11th, 2006|03:49 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | good | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | The Futureheads - "Favours For Favours" | ] |
So, I finally found a job. A good one. On July 24, I'll be starting as an editorial assistant at Morgan Reynolds Publishing, here in Greensboro. This came just in time too... when companies whose whole purpose is to find people jobs won't call you back, things begin to look a little bleak. But alas, things actually seem to be coming together.
On a slightly less positive note, I am going on vacation to upstate New York next week with my dad's family. My feelings are decidely mixed about this. I mean, it will be nice and all to spend time with my dad's family (who I don't see much), but I'm not crazy about being gone from my life for more than a week, especially since Laura won't be able to come. I guess I'll just have to grin and bear it, in as much as anyone grins and bears going on vacation and getting drunk (and possibly high) with their relatives.
I am however completely excited about going to Chicago at the end of the month for the Pitchfork Music Festival though. Ridiculously excited, in fact. In preparation, I've been listening to a lot of the bands that will be playing. The Futureheads new album, though it took me a couple listens to really get into it, is probably my favorite album since Sunset Rubdown's (whose pre-festival set on Friday night I sadly probably won't get to see, since we'll be flying in then). I've also finally got around to buying every Silver Jews album, except The Arizona Record, since I won't pay upwards of one hundred dollars for some home recorded song sketches...still, I'm psyched as hell to see the Silver Jews, since over the last year they've really become one of favorite bands. I have a vague hope that Stephen Malkmus will make a surprise appearance, but even if he doesn't (and indeed, he probably won't), it'll still be cool. So far I've found the Walkmen's new album more or less unlistenable, but I still think they might be decent live... hm...who else...and oh yeah, Art Brut, good fun. Tapes n Tapes and Band of Horses are pretty good too. And even though post-reunion Mission of Burma hasn't been wildly exciting, they should be pretty good (and loud) live. Ted Leo is always great live, and well, Destroyer is just ok live, but if they play "3000 Flowers" I'll be one hundred percent satisfied. If they play "The Bad Arts", I'll lose my shit. I'll also probably lose my shit over The Futureheads "Hounds of Love" . Sadly, I don't think Silver Jews' "I Remember Me" is part of their live set, but I'd be equally satisfied with "Random Rules" or "Send in the Clouds." Oh hell, I'll be pretty satisfied no matter what.
Hmm...though I try to avoid it, I find myself getting deeply irritated with things that are too popular. For example, I have the urge to punch the shit out of paunchy Kevin Smith every time I see a Clerks 2 commercial. This is probably justified. On the other hand, I've gotten completely sick of and more than occasionally irritated by The Daily Show. Its just gotten boring and self-satisfied. Even old lovable Jon Stewart. I do however love The Colbert Report (his interview with Amy Sedaris last night was hilarious, as was "Drowney the Bear"), and to prove that I don't automatically reject the popular, I actually really liked Pirates of The Caribbean 2. Though if anyone asks, I'll claim it's just because I like Bill Nighy. And octopi. |
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